Have you seen the cover of the recent Time Magazine lately?  The cover has a picture of a 4 or 5 year old boy feeding from his mother's breast!  The visual has created quite the uproar!

But, the story is equally as disturbing as the picture….There are a growing number of parents who buy into and follow the philosophy of “Attachment Parenting.”  

This model of parenting was created by Dr. Bill Spears and presented in his 1992 book, “THE BABY BOOK.”  Essentially, Dr. Spears believes that for a child to grow up feeling attached to his feelings, parents need to extend their “babyhood.”

Dr. Spears recommends a parenting style that includes:

1. Extending breastfeeding for as long as possible

2. Creating a co-sleeping experience or "Family Bed" where your child sleeps with the parents 

3. Keeping your baby physically attached to the mother with a sling so that they feel that they are still connected to their mother’s body.

Essentially, let’s prolong and extend the child's babyhood for as long as possible.

It is true that we are experiencing more and more generations detached from the feelings of their experience.

It is true that children are detaching from their families much earlier with the popularity of technology and the lack of value of human communication in our society.

However...extending a child’s babyhood only creates DEPENDENCY on the parents and NOT attachment to a child’s own experience.

Our goal as a parent is to guide in the development of our child’s ability to navigate in the world they live in while feeling comfortable in their own skin….Parents are responsible to teach, guide, coach and love a child through their own experience.

As a child is born, they require the necessary parental rituals that promote “attachment,” but as they grow out of infancy; they need to feel safe in their Family Culture to take that attachment with them as they "individuate" and "differentiate" away from their parents. 

From the first time a child needs to "self-soothe"  as they sleep in their own bed, or eat their food with their own fork and spoon, children need the space, the trust, the practice, and the independence  to develop the confidence to be their own person while knowing their parents are there for them.

Attachment parenting attempts to attend to the "attachment" concerns we all have when raising our children….But, what it truly does, is inhibit the natural growth of the child while creating an unhealthy purpose for the mother.

Most women feel a sense of sadness and loss when their baby begins to need them less and less.  

Attachment parenting allows the mother to prolong her "purpose" by having her child need her for longer than is necessary and healthy.

These mothers love it, but it is dangerous to the growth of their child.

Parents need to feel the purpose and the joy in all areas of their identity while guiding their child to independence by developing a vision for their Family Culture experience.

Dr. Spears and his followers have the right intentions, but are going about all wrong.

So…put down the magazine, stop staring at the picture on the cover, and teach, guide, and coach your child through their own experience.  

They will be fully attached and able to self-regulate.

With the recent apparent suicide of Junior Seau, former linebacker for the San Diego Chargers of the NFL, the question must be asked...

How do athletes handle the transition back to civilian life from years of being an athlete?

Most people don’t think about or have much compassion for the very real struggle professional athletes have when their playing days are over.

Everyone is so focused on how much money these athletes make that they have little compassion for their life after the game stops for them.

The prevailing sentiment is that with all that money, they could do whatever they want.

Yet, we all have to remember that these people have developed an identity and daily, weekly, seasonal, and yearly rituals that they have lived by for years and years since they were very young.

They leave the game unprepared for a new "purpose" in their life.

Sports Illustrated reports that 78% of former professional athletes either file for bankruptcy or have financial stress and difficulties when the income ends.

Why?  Because they leave the league unprepared.

Many of these former athletes struggle years after their playing days with little direction and purpose.

In working with professional athletes for the past 20 years on their “life strategies,” here are some tips for all athletes to consider...

1. Begin developing an exit strategy from the game, the lifestyle, and the identity both financially and functionally early in your career while fully active as a player…the athletes who do this transition much more smoothly.

2. Learn about yourself and what makes you "tick" and get comfortable with those qualities about you that you will need to attend to in your new life. Those qualities don't change, only the context does.

3. Network with people outside the sport early while playing, so that as you get close to retirement or it all ends abruptly due to injury, you have people to connect with and don’t feel the panic of the moment.

4. Prepare your people. Prepare your family and all those who are living the "good life" with you, so that they are aligned with your plans.

5. And most importantly, understand who you are beyond the game, what you believe in and stand for, and what your purpose is each and every day.

Life begins when we are ready to embrace it.

We all have many lives within us….However we ONLY have one purpose of who we are…The challenge is to find all the different ways to manifest it.

Recently, I viewed a video segment of The Dr. Drew Show on the CNN Website.

Dr. Drew Pinsky had Alana Evans as a guest on his show.

Who is Alana Evans?

Alana Evans is a Porn Star and a Mom.

In her interview Ms. Evans said with conviction that "porn saved my life."

Why?

Because it gave her the money she needed to establish stability in her home to raise her son.

Prior to the video appearing, there was a 30 second advertisement (as is usually the case these days) for "The Math and Science Initiative" asking us to support an increase in US teachers’ salaries.

Apparently, there was a math test taken, recently, by the brightest students from 30 countries and the United States ranked 17th, just behind Hungary!

So….putting the two stories together, I had to ask myself, "What's wrong with this picture?”

On the one hand, we are learning that the quality of our education is far below where we expect it to be and that it is correlated to the quality of teachers we are affording.

On the other hand, we are hearing from a mother that in order to keep her child in the quality of lifestyle she wants for him, she can make more money having sex on camera, than...what?  Being a teacher?  Well, yes!

I did a little research and found that the average income for a teacher in the United States is $40,000 per year….And the average yearly income for a porn star is $100,000-$300,000.

So, the professionals asked to educate our children, in order to compete in this world of ours, make less than 1/3 of what the "Stars" make that our children masturbate to?  We have things upside down and backwards, don’t we?

Imagine the quality of our educational system if our teachers were valued to the extent of porn stars and earned six-figure salaries to educate our children?  And imagine the quality of our pornography if porn stars made only $40,000 per year?

Again, I ask you....What's Wrong With This Picture?

The New Orleans Saints are in trouble again. 

A report just came out by an ESPN reporter that from 2002-2004, General Manager Mickey Loomis's booth was wired to listen to the opposing coaches radio communication.

In case you don’t know...that’s cheating!

Apparently, it was dismantled in 2005 following the damage to the Superdome after Hurricane Katrina.

This, of course, is following the report that the Saints had a "Crunch For Cash" bounty system, which has led to suspensions of Saints Coaches, including a one year ban for Head Coach Sean Payton (We are still awaiting the fate of the 22-27 players involved).

America has a love affair with its Sports Teams and, like all lovers, needs to feel the safety and security of fidelity and faithfulness.

No cheating!

In 2005, America fell in love with the New Orleans Saints, its players, and its story.

This is the same team we found inspiration from when, after the disaster of Hurricane Katrina; the New Orleans Saints were forced to play their "home games" on the road in the other NFL teams’ stadiums, playing their first "home game" of the 2005 season in Giants Stadium in New Jersey.

This love affair climaxed (sorry) in 2009 with their historical run of a 13 win season and their first Super Bowl Championship.

Today, we feel betrayed, cheated, and hopeless.

America... we trusted and got fooled again!

But, it’s our fault that we have such a need to find worth, joy, and happiness in the actions of others.

When are we going to learn?

And…we were just getting over the last time we felt cheated on....The 1998 Home Run Record Chase!

In 1998, America fell in love with the "Home Run Record Chase" between Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa of Roger Maris’s long standing home run record.

Mark McGwire shattered the record with 70 home runs in 1998 and shattered America's heart when we learned that he too cheated, using performance enhancing drugs….Turns out he wasn’t alone, as Sammy Sosa also used steroids and in 2001.

 And when Barry Bonds broke McGwire’s record?  He apparently did it by cheating, as well….God, we feel so dirty, don’t we?  It’s exhausting and troubling and quite confusing.

But, like the hopeless romantics that we are; America will bounce back and fall in love again!

Who knows what lays ahead....Our love affair with Tim Tebow, perhaps?  Maybe one day, we will find out that Tim is actually an Atheist, has a drug addiction, and has children with several baby-mamas….I’m not sure America could ever recover from that one!

Recently, Fox 2 News St. Louis reported on a mother who uncovered that her 15 year old daughter was posting on an adult dating website, "sexy" picture, profile and all. Her daughter was listed as a 23 year old young woman looking for a “good time.”

This story demands us as parents to ask the question..."Are our children safely using their technology?"

Here are tips for parents to help keep their children safe and healthy....

1. MAKE TECHNOLOGY A REWARD, NOT A RIGHT. Children are not entitled to have every gadget, app, and social media account out there just because "everyone else" has it. Kids need to find the value in the privilege of earning their access through chores and participating in the family.

2. PARENTAL CONTROLS. Make sure you have parental controls on all access points to both the internet and social media outlets.

3. PARTNER WITH YOUR CHILD. In all areas of parenting, the more you and your child communicate and stay on the same page about what is appropriate and what is not, as well as the rules and consequences about the use of technology, the more empowered your child will feel to regulate their technological life safely. 

4. PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH. Parents establish the daily family culture for their children. How parents use technology, models for kids what is acceptable and what is not. If you have your phone at dinner, your kids will feel free to do the same. If you go to sites that are not appropriate or hide where you go, your child will do the same.

5. ESTABLISH A RITUAL OF ONE ON ONE TIME WITH YOUR CHILD (UNPLUGGED). Find time every week and make it a ritual where you and your child spend quality time together without any technology powered on. Whether it’s your phone or their iPod, everything is off; you and your child are present and spending time experiencing the moment together. This creates the relationship as a priority and allows your child to have a voice and for you to hear the feelings of their experience.

Surveys show that 75% of kids playing sports quit by the age of 13.

More and more student athletes in college speak of the horrors of having their overly enthusiastic parent in the stands....More and more kids are losing the will to JUST play the game!

What’s a parent to do?

Here are some tips for well-intentioned parents who have kids involved in sports today...

1. Understand your role as a support, as a spectator and as a fan of your child and his/her efforts

2. Let the total experience be your child’s.  Let practice, game preparation, dealing with teammates and dealing with the coaches be theirs.

3. Be a coach.  If you are a coach, be a parent when you are a parent, but don’t be a parent when you are a coach and never be a coach when you are a parent.

4. Prioritize effort and stress the joy of being a part of something.

5. Don’t make losing, winning, good performance and bad performance that large. It’s all about experiencing the “effort,” not the outcome.

6. The joy of participating in a sport for your child will be greatly increased if they know you have no other agenda other than to enjoy watching them participate and giving their best effort.

7. Make sure you find a team and a group of parents that have a similar philosophy to you and your child, so that your child joins the right team with the right philosophy.